Theme: “I’m a Lumberjack (And I’m Okay)” Monty Python

Signature Maneuvers: Tree Falling In the Forest, Log Jam

Height: 5’11                           Weight: JEEZus…

From: British Columbia

Currently Residing: Dead

Mask: Uncomfortable

                Hailing from the mighty rivers of British Columbia, and basing his character almost entirely on a 7-minute Monty Python sketch, Lumber Jack debuted at a Fall, 2003 show entitled “Special Ed.”  He teamed with another icon of rugged manliness, Agent: C.H.A.D., to defeat the Carcinogen Connection in his debut match. 

                Lumber Jack would continue to participate in high-profile matches in the UHW for several months, entering himself into MOONSHINE’s Super Fag Cup Tourney, among other things.  He lost in the first round to T.Itty, after being (brutally) legdropped thru a board, his head being crushed right into the concrete.  On the same show, Frosty the Fascist Fisherman lost in the first round to Agent: C.H.A.D., after having a cholesterol-induced heart attack. 

                As it turned out, these losses were probably for the best, as later that night (in a non-tournament match) Lumber Jack unmasked and revealed that he was, in fact, Frosty.  Despite the fact that they had the same bloated, toadlike body-type, and that they used the same moves with different names, everyone seemed to be quite surprised. 

                After some further investigation, it was discovered that Keith “Frosty” Frost’s father had, in reality, been a lumberjack for some time; the apparent inspiration for this strange dual identity. 

                After his unmasking, Lumber Jack was rarely seen again, Frosty deciding that it was altogether too uncomfortable to wear a winter ski mask and four layers of insulated flannel in his matches. 

On a related note, despite his assertions to the contrary, it was proven that Lumber Jack could not, in fact, cut down a tree to save his life.