Theme: (Can’t Recall)
Signature Maneuvers: JAKE-SHOVE!, Improper Russian Legsweep
Height: 6’1
Weight: 155 lbs.
From: The Ritzy, upscale neighborhood of Emmetsburg, Iowa
Adam’s Apple: Somewhere between “manly” and “grotesque”
Jacob Elias Chapman, onetime best
friend of UHW co-founder Grant (GOD!!!/187/Havoc) Berkland, was recruited by his mate to join UHW in 1998, to fill out the
roster, and because he owned a camera. An awkward and gangly young teenager at
the time, Jake was hardly a prime choice for the athletic and hard-hitting world of professional wrestling, but, hey…at
least he wasn’t fat, like his friend, Grant.
Dubbed “Flatline” because his sex life was (and still is) thoroughly dead, Jake took part in both of the
UHW ’98 outings, battling the other three members repeatedly, and almost always losing.
He used a very strange (poor) “variation” (fuck-up) of a Russian Legsweep as a finisher, and almost all
of his other offense consisted of pushing weapons into people, which became jokingly referred to in UHW as the “Jake
Shove.” His most noteworthy contribution was…well, his camera, actually. That’s about it.
In a humorous moment, during a clusterfuck match in a sheep pen, Flatline was suplexed face-first (literally) into
a pile of sheep manure by his own manager (who can say why), Joe “Big Biddy” Bisenius. Unfortunately, the camera operator shut it off right after this, entirely missing the incredible bitching
out that Jake served up to Biddy.
Actually, come to think of it, Flatline was instrumental in the formation of UHW due to a fight he got into about a
year before UHW’s initial inception. This fight took place at Grant’s
12th birthday party, where Jake (who had been endlessly harassed) threw a fit and started attacking a boy named
Brian, kicking and punching and…as memory serves…crying a good bit. This
real-life brawl led to a scheduled “re-match” the following year, at Grant’s 13th birthday party,
which in turn inspired the formation of UHW. There’s a little bit of history
for you, eh? I bet you cared a lot…
Jake and Grant eventually parted company (amicably), and—despite promises to the contrary—Jake was never
to return to UHW.
