(Not a wrestler)

Height: 5’10                          Weight: 180 lbs.

From: A Gulag in Minneapolis, Minnesota

Currently Residing: St. Paul, MN

Hair: Thinning 

Sideburns: Glued On. 

Athletic Achievement: Track Star

Unreliability: Staggering

                        N!k was born into the communist oppression of the Soviet Union in the mid-1950s, but somehow made his way to Emmetsburg, Iowa, to attend the fine educational facilities there.  During his time there, N!k met up with a drug-addicted former Viet Cong named Jan Powers, and spent a lot of time wishing that he hadn’t.  During his “friendship” with Jan, N!k studied the arts of “Pro Wrestling Highlight Tape Editing.”  After parting ways with Jan (who was, at the time, passed out on a toilet), N!k eventually got hooked up with yet another crowd that he regretted meeting, known to you as “the UHW crew.”  After befriending MOONSHINE Stillman and learning to tolerate GOD!!!, N!k decided to advance his status in society by editing and producing UHW’s breakout hit video, Medio-Core.  After spending about 6 months more than he originally intended to on producing this tape, N!k finished just in time to have it be debuted at a Critical Thinking class special screening event.  The tape was a resounding success, at least by comparison to anything put together by UHW in the past, and Nik was signed on as full-time producer/editor/creative consultant of UHW.  Nik was now trapped in a nightmare of his own creation—on the one hand, he was happy that he had been successful in his producing venture, but on the other, he was now forever tied into the stupidity of UHW. 

                        Shortly after his graduation, N!k began negotiating with GOD!!! about producing a second, more comprehensive version of Medio-Core, which would include highlights from every UHW show, and feature many special effects eschewed in the original.  N!k, claiming that he could have this project finished by the end of the following school year (when most of the UHW roster would graduate), then moved to Minneapolis, Minnesota…famous for having the only decent international airport for hundreds of miles.  On many occasions, N!k would drive the 200+ miles back to Emmetsburg, Iowa, to film UHW shows, and to update the UHW crew on his progress.  This impressive dedication to UHW led most of the crew to believe that N!k would, indeed, finish the project…after all, if he went to all that trouble and personal expense, what would be the point of quitting? 

                        Well, I never figured that out, but it’s been over two years since his projected completion date, and over 10 “adjusted deadlines” later, it’s still not done.  Go figure. 

GOD!!!--" I think that N!k is one of the funniest, smartest, most entertaining  people I know.  The only problem is, he thinks so, too..."