Theme: (Undeserving)

Signature Maneuvers: Sitting on you

Height: 5’7                           Weight: 230+ lbs.

From: The Ghetto, Estherville, Iowa

Assertion: Ja Rule is out to kill 50 Cent.  Source: His own fucked-up imagination.

                The man known as Loco Gordo, though only an active participant on a very few occasions, left a large, indelible impression in the fabric of UHW, and of my couch. 

                Loco Gordo grew up in the ghetto section of Estherville—a notorious northern Iowa town full of sleaze, drugs, and depravity…as well as a very tasty but extremely overpriced Hardee’s restaurant.  Despite being poor white trash, his upbringing led him to believe that he was, in fact, a black gang member with ties in both the drug trade and the world of rap music.  This was completely untrue, of course, but anytime it was ever pointed out to him, he couldn’t hear it over the sound of the food he was masticating (kind of like those raisin bran crunch commercials…). 

                Loco Gordo was recruited to join The Big Montana Combo, which—when he was a member—referred to themselves as XXXL.  They travelled to the Estherville McDonalds and made promises of a bountiful land of donuts and cakes over near Cylinder, Iowa.  Like a hungry puppy, he followed.  In order to bend him to their will in UHW, the Frost Bros. baited him into the ring with snack cakes, then planted them on his opponents to get him to attack.

His love of food and…well, just food…drew him to the Bros. Frost, but eventually, his unshakable belief that he was a black crime boss caused friction with Frosty the Fascist Fisherman, and they parted ways.