Theme: “Anarchy in the UK” Sex Pistols

Signature Maneuvers: Somalia Driver, ill-advised rooftop dives

Height: 5’6                           Weight: 135 lbs.

From: The Great White North, Mankato, Minnesota

Appearance: Affeminate

Skin: Boyish, supple, and appealing…

                Samuel Berkland, otherwise known as the Rancid Monk, was destined from a young age to be a delinquent.  Growing up with no male role model, he began to imitate the actions and attitudes of his closest  (in age) male relative, his cousin Grant.  Now, Grant is known to most of you as GOD!!!, and…if you know him at all, you’ll already be perfectly aware that he’s a terrible role model, and a pretty fucked-up individual.  The bond these two formed, along with Sam’s complete lack of common sense, led him to grow into a socially-inept, recklessly masochistic freak.  In other words, Sam Berkland is the coolest goddamn kid that ever lived.

                At the age of 9 or 10, when Grant and Tony Cohoon first formed UHW, Sam was in attendance as their only audience member.  A few years later, just after he entered into his teens, Sam began to emulate his cousin and friend by trying dangerous wrestling moves and performing crazy stunts of a “Jackass”-esque nature.  Grant took notice of Sam’s precoscious violent streak, and recruited him into UHW.  They had many matches together at first, Grant teaching Sam (who was by then known as “The Rancid Monk,” for no particularly good reason) how to take bumps and do moves (not—mind you—that Grant was the least bit qualified to teach these things), and later the Monk was brought into UHW full-time, debuting by saving GOD!!! and the Agent from a vicious assault by the Big Montana Combo.

                In 2001, the Monk gathered up some of his scumbag skater friends, and founded his own upstart promotion in his hometown of Mankato, Minnesota, dubbing it UHW: Deep North (with the blessing of the original).  They have their own, completely unintelligable website (apparently none of them knows how to use spellcheck…), which you can access at http://www.uhwdeepnorth.cjb.net.

                After the original UHW closed up shop in June of 2004, four members—GOD!!!, Agent:C.H.A.D., Frosty the Fascist Fisherman, and MOONSHINE—travelled to Minnesota to battle four of the members of UHW:Deep North (Rancid Monk, Crooker, Citric, and Chronic), and—after a fairly brutal match—passed the torch to them. 

                The future of the name of UHW, and of backyard wrestling in the great midwest, is in the grimy little hands of the Rancid Monk…