Theme Song: “Freaking Out”  Adema

Signature Maneuvers: The Tatsuke Special, The Senior Discount, Hammerfist Spongebath

Height: 5’10                          Weight: 175 lbs.

From: Lakeside Lutheran Home, Emmetsburg, IA

Currently Residing: US Army Base, Ft. Bliss, TX

Representing: Phillip Morris and associates

                When you think of the world’s premier martial artists (which, face it, you do all the time), what names come to mind?  Bruce Lee?  Mr. Miyagi?  Chuck Norris?  Well, fuck all of those no-talent losers…the MAN is here.  His name: Steve McGahan, otherwise known as the Nursing Home Ninja.  Yes, he is inarguably the BEST MARTIAL ARTIST IN THE WORLD.  No doubt.  Trained by reknowned TaeKwonDo master and passable high school geometry teacher,  Tatsuke Menneke, NHN brought the deadly arts of the orient to a small farm on the northern-most borders of Iowa to INFLICT SOME DAMAGE, and that he did.  When he wasn’t busy smoking, or working.

                NHN employed his intimate knowledge of strikes, holds, and Tony’s body cavities, to devestate the opposition in UHW.  He came in initially as a cameraman, but he eschewed his duties in favor of kicking the shit out of his younger cohorts, and UHW booker GOD!!! decided that he’d better start booking this guy, lest He, too, be kicked. 

                When not wrestling on straw piles, the Ninja was employed at the Lakeside Lutheran Elderly Care facility, hence his namesake.  He used his incredible fighting skills to intimidate the residents into compliance, killing legions of old people for being mentally unsound or for not being able to control their bowels.

                NHN joined his comrade, T.Itty, in the Carcinogen Connection, and dominated UHW tag team competition.  He later formed the Menneke Ministry, in honor of his sensei, Tatsuke.  Several times, he held the  Funky Cowboy Hat Filled With Non-Dairy Creamer Championship, most notably gaining it by winning the prestigious MOONSHINE Super Fag Cup Tournament. 

                Despite being a formidable opponent, NHN had a great many downfalls that prevented him from achieving his potential in UHW.  For one, he smokes like a chimney.  Seriously, the guy was known to light up after tagging out.  Additionally, his love of video games often got in the way of his quest for wrestling glory.  These two diversions, along with a hectic work schedule, caused NHN to go on several long hiatuses, but after a few months, he always returned to UHW, rising from the ashes (of his cigarettes) like a Phoenix, to reign down a flurry of furious Samurai kicks on his competition. 

                In summation, NHN is a god amongst men.  With a ponytail.