Theme: “Secret Agent” Foreign Legion
Signature Maneuvers: Agent:Bomb, Whirling Dervish, Jenkinstunner
Height: 5’10
Weight: 140 lbs.
From: The Dark Side (of Emmetsburg, IA)
Currently Residing: Estherville, IA
Badass?: TO THE EXTREME.
Ever feel that chill run up your spine in the middle of the night? You
know, that little tingle as the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, that creeping feeling that somewhere behind you,
in the cold and the dark, something evil is lurking, and it’s going to get you just before you get to safety? That’s Chad. Chad
is the stuff of nightmares, that unspeakable terror that haunts the recesses of your subconscious, the tale that parents tell
their children to keep them in line. Chad is all that, and more. Chad is pure, mysterious evil.
Chad is also a manager at ALCO!
Agent: C.H.A.D. is Carbon Hydrogen Arsenic Dioxide, the deadliest of toxins.
Agent: C.H.A.D. is also a government BlackOps agent. Agent: C.H.A.D. is
also a pretty good amateur mechanic. As you see, the Agent takes many forms at
once, like a pagan god of days gone by. He’s a man who leads a life of
danger…to everyone he meets, he stays a stranger. Indeed.
This trench-coat clad, sailor-hatted assassin joined UHW at the inception of its re-launch, and left a trail of destruction
and death from that point on. He feuded with his real-life arch nemesis, MOONSHINE
Stillman, throughout the entirety of his run in UHW, and also had a long, violent run as the tag team partner of GOD!!! during
the last days of UHW.
Small in stature, but immeasurably large in pure evil, C.H.A.D. never actually won
a great deal of matches, but he did prove to be one of the most hardcore individuals in the UHW. The Agent has been set ablaze on more than one occasion, powerbombed off of a 12-foot seed bin, and is
most famous to UHW fans *snicker* for having a metal toaster hurled at his nose from several feet away, which did nothing
but fuel his fearsome anger.
The Agent’s reign of terror did not stop with the end of UHW; he now lords over the troglodites who work at the
Emmetsburg chapter of ALCO, ruling them with an iron fist. In fact, so frightening
is it to be in the presence of this man, that all of the other members of Ultimate Hardcore Wrestling have moved as far away
as money would allow, just so they don’t risk running into him.
Personal Testimonial of GOD!!!~I’ve never met anyone who is manlier
than Agent: CHAD…He makes Chuck Norris look like Ben Affleck…In fact, when I first met the Agent, so in awe of
his sheer, hardcore manliness was I, that I gave up right then and there, and became a transvestite…It’s just
so discouraging to meet someone who sets the bar so damn high that you know you could never hope to reach it…
Interesting Fact: If you live anywhere in the contiguous United States, there’s an 84.6% chance that your cause of death will, in
fact, be “C.H.A.D.”
